Guilt
by Daemi Charonte
Summary: Gilbert regrets many things, but one thing has finally pushed him farther than he could handle. human AU, rated for self-harm and character death.
1. Chapter 1

"I miss him. The way he looked in the morning when he would wake up. His hair and clothing rumpled from restless sleep. He constantly had nightmares. Hence how I ended up sleeping in his bed. He wouldn't go back to sleep without me there.

"I miss the way he would blush around me, when I would make a statement about my 'awesomeness' or how cute he looked sometimes. He always blushed at these. The light pink tint he got. Until the time he accidently walked into my room to clean while I was in only a towel finding clothes. He immediately turned a dark shade of red and exited the room with a muttered apology.

"Yet, the thing I miss the most is when he would play piano. Not just because piano music is beautiful. That's part of it yes, but the real reason is the look on his face. He never knew I knew I came to watch him play. He was always peaceful though. His face expressing the emotions from a personal level that not even the music could express. Recently though, his music had gotten depressing. Sad, minor keys, not his usual happy music like that of Chopin.

"I should've noticed it, I should've seen something was wrong. Atleast, I should have before now. There was no returning to what life was, not without him. How could I have been so stupid? To be so blind to not realize what I was doing. To not realize I was the reason he was gone. Why was I such an- an imbecile?! Why can't I take back that night? Why can't life have a button to press to bring back the one I have lost?

"Why am I so god damn idiotic that I managed to lose the only thing in this fucked up world I really cared about?!"

"Gilbert, calm do-"

"NO! I can't be calm! It's because of me he's gone. If I hadn't gone out that night he wouldn't have come to get me. If he hadn't come to get me that truck never would have set its sights on him. If I had only stayed home like he had asked me he would be here. Don't you get it, Antonio? It's all my fault Roderich died that night. It's all because of me and there's nothing I can do about it anymore." I flopped back on the sofa with a soft thud, warm tears trickling from my eyes. "If only I wasn't so stupid..."

"Gilbert, you need to stop blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault, and you know it wasn't."

"But, Antonio, it was. It was all my fault. I can't keep blaming myself. I can't even blame the truck driver who had helped him even though he had hit him. I can't blame anything other than myself." I never demeaned myself by crying, but I couldn't take it anymore. It had been three months since Roderich had come looking for me after I ran out of the house after a bad fight. "My last words to him were 'I hate you, I don't ever want to see your face again. You can die for all I care.' I regret every moment of that night. Now he's gone, and I have nothing left for myself."

Antonio remained silent for a moment before speaking. "Gil..."

"Don't even say it. I know what you're thinking. I know that you're going to try and tell me that I have loving friends and a loving brother. I know you're going to try and make me feel better, but it won't work. There's nothing you can do."

"I'm coming over, and bringing Francis. We are going to talk you back to your normal self, well, close to it anyways." I tried to say something but he cut me off, "No buts, we're coming over. Be there in 5 minutes." The other line went dead. I hit the end button on my phone and stared at the ceiling. Tears still fell slowly from my eyes as I heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. A couple seconds later the key turned in the lock and in stepped Antonio, Francis following closely behind him a plastic bag in his hand.

"Bonjour, Gil. I brought something for you." He reached into the bag and pulled out a pint of ice cream and threw it at me. It was mint chocolate chip, my favorite. It bounced off my chest and onto the floor. I didn't even look down at it as it rolled under the coffee table. Antonio and Francis exchanged worried looks before Antonio walked up to me and grabbed my arm. Pulling my sleeve up he gasped at the scars that lined my forearm and wrist.

"Gil... What have you been doing to yourself?" He said staring at my arm. I pulled my arm away and pulled my sleeve down over it.

"Nothing." I said sitting up giving them room to sit on the couch. "It's just a few cuts. Nothing major."

"Gilbert, this is bad, you could die from this." Francis said sitting to my left.

"Who's to say that would be a bad thing? I'd get to see Roderich again. It wouldn't matter anymore. I'd be with him." I said staring at the wall ahead of me blankly. "I'll be right back." I said standing up and walking upstairs.

I knew Francis was following me, I didn't care, he could watch, he could try and make me stop for all I cared. It wouldn't matter. I'd succeed this time. I stepped into my room and over to the bed.

'It still smells like him' I thought laying on the soft silk sheets. They were the same purple as his eyes, and red pillows specifically chosen by him because they reminded him of me. I reached over to the nightstand and pulled out the small gun I had for protection, to save my love from harm. Ironic how things like this play out isn't it? How the thing meant for protection would be the thing to end it all.

I put it against my head and stared at the ceiling as I heard the door slam open and Francis rush into the room in an attempt to stop me. "I'm coming for you, Roddy baby." I pulled the trigger and heard someone calling my name. It didn't matter to me anymore as the dark abyss of death swallowed my being.

They stood at the grave, 3 years had passed since the death of their best friend. Antonio crouched down and placed a small bouquet of roses and lillies on the dual gravestone.

"We miss you, Gil, and you too, Roderich. I hope you two are together now." He stood as Francis appeared down the walkway carrying another bouquet of flowers and followed by Ludwig.

"I picked up something on the way." Francis said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Antonio smiled slightly.

"Hola, Ludwig. It's nice to see you again." Antonio said the ghost of his usual smile appearing but disappearing as fast as it had come.

"Ja." Ludwig said pulling a small stone from his pocket and putting it in a square that had been cut out of the middle of the gravestone. "I had wanted to do this sooner, but couldn't bring myself to." He said standing to reveal Gilbert's iron cross necklace nestled snugly into a stone.

"It really completes the whole thing." Antonio said glancing at the other two as it began to rain. "Let's go get some coffee. How about it?" He said the other two nodded and the three walked down the path.

A/N: ok, so 1 a.m. and I should be asleep, but i got inspired while playing an excercise on marimba earlier. granted the inspiration wasn't supposed to turn into a morbid story as such but oh well. *shrug* but anyways because I wanted to I turned into a type of screenplay type thingy for the last scene which will be found in the next chapter. If you want to read it. -Daemi 


	2. Screenplay

text at the bottom of the screen: "3 years later"  
*screen fades in revealing Antonio kneeling in front of a large gravestone holding a bouquet of roses and lillies.*

Antonio: We miss you, Gil, and you too, Roderich. I hope you two are together now.

*Francis appears carrying the same type of bouquet follwed by Ludwig*

Francis: (forced attempt at being cheerful) I picked up something on the way.

Antonio: Hola, Ludwig. It's nice to see you again. *attempts fake half-arsed smile*

Ludwig: Ja. *pulls stone from pocket. and kneels carefully placing it into a square piece cut from the stone* I had wanted to do this sooner, but couldn't bring myself to.

Antonio: it really completes the whole thing. *rain begins to fall as Antonio looks at the other two* Let's go get some coffee, how about it?

*francis and Ludwig nod and the three walk away off screen as the camera pans down to look at the gravestone.* gravestone reads: Gilbert and Roderich, lover, fighter, music writer. A more unlikely pair could not have been made. May they rest together for enternity. *bouquets sit on either side of the grave and the screen fades out looking directly at the iron cross stone*

~-~-~-~ A/N so i dont usually write like this, sorry if it's horrible. But i imagine things like movies. so again, if it sucks I apologize profusely.

oh and for those of you following my other story, i'll try and update soon. Writer's block and stress prevented me from doing much of anything other than sleeping and catching up on assignments. -Daemi 


End file.
